How to Be an Adult in Relationships

What a concept!

Over the last few months, if I was folding laundry (my worst) or walking to and from the grocery store (my best), I was probably listening to How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo. As you probably know, Mohato and I are engaged and I like approaching our marriage like I would approach an exam I would like to pass, namely, with a lot of studying. 

Richo, as I now affectionately call him, shares many valuable ideas that I’ve found both helpful and instructive. For one, he defines love as the 5 A’s — attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and finally allowing. I find this definition to be a goal to strive towards as I realize I am often found lacking in some areas. However, maybe that’s where I can direct some acceptance and allowing to myself as we all walk this path of betterment meeting each other at different points on the road, but all travelling just the same. 

Another thing that stood out was he said that love is unconditional (or should be) but commitment is always conditional. I liked this distinction as I believe it leads to a better day-to-day experience for both partners. You give and receive unconditional love to the best of your ability (according to the five A’s) and commit based on your values. In this way, no matter how long the relationship lasts it can be considered successful. 

It’s said that if a soon-to-be parent reads parenting books, it’s more likely they will be a good parent by virtue of the fact that they’re trying regardless of the content of the books. I hope the same is true in this sense as I continue to study.